We need more men like them

Well done! It is great that some Indian men have started voicing that Indian women have it bad because of Indian men! Watch this powerful video: India would be a great place for women if we had more men like them! Thank you guys!

An American son -in-law or an American daughter-in-law? Any guesses, who Indians prefer?

Indians settled in the United States have a saying, "If you are lucky you will get an American son-in-law, and if unlucky,  you will get an American daughter-in-law!'

And in this statement lies the essence of India's traditions, so bound against the woman. An American son-in-law is welcome for he will behave like a normal human being, expect no  dowry, no special favours , and not expect to be treated like a demi-god. He will help your daughter around the house, and when he comes over for a visit or even a meal he will share the chores and  wash the dishes. What a relief in a country where there are no servants!

But an American daughter-in-law would also behave like a normal human being, not sacrificing her interests, or subjugating her will, or herself to her in-laws who expect to be treated as the most important people in her life. She will not let them take all her decisions -  what she should wear,   what she should cook for her husband, when she should have a child, how she should look after the baby, what food to give the baby, when she should visit her family and friends ... the list can go on. The poor in-laws! She has robbed them of all the pleasures they thought would be theirs when they became the parents of a boy, their ticket to lifelong security, salvation and a pretty gilded slave, to carry out all their biddings!

What is more, the American daughter-in-law doesn't even bring dowry, and worse, makes their precious son work in the kitchen and around the house. Indian mothers, as you know, cannot bear the sight of their sons in the kitchen.

So great is the longing for a son among Indian parents, that they do not hesitate to do away with the daughter. For in these days of high costs it is expensive bringing up a child and who wants daughters when they would rather have a son. So as Indian families become smaller, the girl is sacrificed. Like this father in Hyderabad tried to do. Even as I write, somehow calling him a 'father' seems so bizarre.  A person like him should be called a fiend and put behind bars. But no, in our society behaving in this shocking way against the female of the species is tolerated. The sympathy is with the poor man for being saddled with a daughter!

Death penalty for killing a male child, life imprisonment for raping minor daughter and killing her and wife

The Supreme Court of India through a judgment has shown that it places more 'value' on a male child than a female child and a woman.

The following report appeared in the Times of India today:

NEW DELHI: The Supreme Court on Tuesday ordered death penalty to a man who murdered a seven-year-old boy after kidnapping him for ransom, justifying the capital punishment on several grounds, including that killing the sole male child meant that the family lineage could not be carried forward.


Citing disruption of family lineage as one of the seven aggravating grounds why they thought the convict deserved no leniency, a bench of Justices P Sathasivam and J S Khehar said, "The choice of kidnapping the particular child for ransom was well planned and consciously motivated. The parents of the deceased had four children — three daughters and one son. Kidnapping the only male child was to induce maximum fear in the mind of his parents. Purposefully killing the sole male child has grave repercussions for the parents of the deceased."

The bench continued, "Agony for parents for the loss of their male child, who would have carried further the family lineage, and is expected to see them through their old age, is unfathomable. Extreme misery caused to the aggrieved party certainly adds to the aggravating circumstances."   For the complete report click on this link.

Barely a week ago, the Supreme Court had commuted death penalty awarded to a man for raping his minor daughter and then killing her and his wife.  Both the trial court and the high court had awarded death to the man.  But the Supreme Court lessened his punishment to life and went further, leaving it open for remission.  (I had posted on this) 

When educated learned judges of the highest court of the land place more value on a male life than that of the female, then we cannot expect ordinary families to treat their girls on par with their sons. So one thing is certain: It will be quite a while before things change for the Indian girl. 

The new face of dowry

by Shree Venkatram

Dowry: Age-Old Tradition or Contemporary Cruelty?

Three years after Gudiya's marriage, Bina is still repaying the Rs 30,000 ($660)she took as loan to buy her daughter's dowry. When Gudiya left for her marital home, she took with her: a double bed, an almirah (traditional Indian wooden chest), a dressing table, a TV, a washing machine, utensils, gold jewelry and a suitcase full of new clothes for her and her in-laws.
But in the slum where she lives, Bina does not even have a bed, let alone a washing machine. However, she had to give one to her daughter’s in-laws when they demanded it. The total expenditure for the wedding was over Rs one lakh approximately $2,230), 33 times the amount of money Bina makes per month as a housemaid in Delhi. The amount includes Rs 70,000, ($1,550) all that she and her carpenter husband had saved over the course of 15 years. Bina has already started worrying about finding funds for her second daughter,Babina’s, wedding. “Who will marry her without dowry?” she asks. And so the family will eat only one meal a day and cut down on other necessities so that three years from now, when Babina is 20, there will be some money available.
Even in poor homes, marriage expenses can run into several hundred thousands of rupees. In better-off homes, dowry might include a car, furniture and furnishings for a new home, expensive jewels, and a wedding feast for several hundred friends and relatives in a five-star hotel.
The monetary hardship that dowry brings can be directly linked to the astonishingly skewed female to male ratio (in some districts, there are as few as 800 females to every 1,000 males). In many cases, the birth of a daughter is a fate to be avoided at all costs; foeticide and infanticide are all too prevalent. Families who do raise their female children spend just the bare minimum on her education and often neglect her health needs; money must be saved for her dowry, whatever the cost.
At one time, dowry was only practiced by upper caste Hindus who gave gifts of clothes and jewelry to their daughter at the time of her wedding. The movable property, perceived as her share from her natal home, was made available to her when she left for her marital home. The in-laws welcomed her with gifts that were to match what she had received from her parents; this was to show equality in status. Gifts were also exchanged between members of the two families to cement their ties.
In Bangalore, Three to Four Newly Married Women Die Every Day
But over time, especially in the last three to four decades, a practice that once signified paternal love, has become ugly, vicious, and deadly. Thousands of young women have been tortured and murdered at the hands of husbands and in-laws, greedy for unearned wealth in the form of dowry. Official records in the South Indian city of Bangalore show three to four newly married women die unnatural deaths every day. In the capital city of Delhi, Ms. Vimla Mehra, Joint Commissioner of Police, Crime Against Women Cell, says she received over 8,000 complaints from women in 2003, a majority of them related to dowry.
Although a law passed in 1961 forbidding the dowry system, there have been hardly any convictions since that time. Young women who did not bring dowry up to the husband and in-laws’ satisfaction were tortured until their parents gave into the demands. Many women were, and are, driven to suicide. A sinister and rising trend is newly married women dying after catching fire from kitchen stoves. These deaths are being passed off as accidents or suicides, leaving the husband free to marry again and get more dowry. Under pressure from women’s groups, amendments to the law were made in 1983 and 1986, broadening the definition of cruelty, putting the onus on the accused, and providing for a minimum of seven years of imprisonment for dowry murder.
But laws have proved ineffective and dowry’s stranglehold on Indian society has only become stronger now that tribal and matrilineal communities, who previously never gave dowry, are adopting the custom. “It is truly a secular custom now,” comments Brinda Karat, president of the All-India Democratic Women’s Association (AIDWA.
According to a recent extensive study, dowry has spread in the length and breadth of the country. Bina may be a Christian, and her daughter may have married in a church, but when it came to putting together the dowry, there is no difference between Bina and her Hindu neighbors or the Muslim families living in her slum cluster.
Feminists, social activists, and reformers are truly alarmed. Breaking the practice is proving extremely tough. While on one hand they work at educating the girl child and providing for inheritance rights for women, century old customs prove difficult to break. There have been instances of women who got married without dowry being denied any right to property in their natal home by their parents. Take Geeta, for example. She got married without dowry to a man of her choice. Before his death, her father willed his entire property to her two brothers, giving her no share.
On the other hand, rising materialism, consumption, and advertising power continue to boost the practice of dowry. It is seen as a get-rich-quick facility exploited by the groom’s family. Goods the groom’s family have seen and desired, but not been able to afford, are demanded from the girl’s side.
Marriage is big business in India—estimated to be a Rs 50 billion (about $1.1 billion). A mega mall, devoted to the business of marriage, is coming up in a Delhi suburb, Gurgoan. Delhi recently saw a couple of fairs at luxury hotels that sold lavish 16-course wedding dinners, luxury cruises and honeymoons abroad,exorbitant designer wear and jewelry at mind-boggling prices. Is it the new face of dowry?
2004-09-29
First published inhttp://www.voices-unabridged.org/format/creat_ss_format.php?id_ss_article=224

This bride had guts

This happened in August 2008 in Chennai. It is an interesting story and I liked the woman's guts. The man lacked them completely. Why couldn't he stand up to his parents?
Techie forges HIV+ve report to escape knot
His parents found him a suitable girl, but he was already in love with another. As the wedding date was fixed, he found an unusual way to prevent the marriage by producing a fake medical report which said he was HIV positive. What he didn't expect was that he would end up behind the bars for cheating the girl. Ashok Nagar all women police on Friday arrested Satish, a 28-year-old MBA graduate working in a software company in TIDEL park, and slapped cases under Sections 420 (cheating) and 4 (1) of Prevention of Women Harassment Act. Initial inquiries revealed that right from his college days, Satish has been in love with a girl, who is now working in the US. He kept the affair a secret and agreed to marry the girl form Jafferkhanpet his parents found for him. The couple got engaged and their marriage was fixed for the first week of September. Satish, a resident of Mugalivakkam near Porur, apparently had a change of mind and decided to call off the marriage. He visited the girl's parents last week and broke down, telling them that he was HIV positive. He gave them a lab report 'confirming' his status. Not entirely convinced, the girl's family later called up the lab, which denied having issued such a report to Satish. They said the logo on the report was a fake one. When the girl's parents called up, Satish stuck to his version. Inquiries with friends revealed Satish's affair and the bride filed a complaint of cheating. Satish then offered to go ahead with the marriage, but the bride turned it down and told the police to pursue the case. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/Chennai_techie_forges_HIV_report_/articleshow/3397702.cms__._,_.___