An American son -in-law or an American daughter-in-law? Any guesses, who Indians prefer?

Indians settled in the United States have a saying, "If you are lucky you will get an American son-in-law, and if unlucky,  you will get an American daughter-in-law!'

And in this statement lies the essence of India's traditions, so bound against the woman. An American son-in-law is welcome for he will behave like a normal human being, expect no  dowry, no special favours , and not expect to be treated like a demi-god. He will help your daughter around the house, and when he comes over for a visit or even a meal he will share the chores and  wash the dishes. What a relief in a country where there are no servants!

But an American daughter-in-law would also behave like a normal human being, not sacrificing her interests, or subjugating her will, or herself to her in-laws who expect to be treated as the most important people in her life. She will not let them take all her decisions -  what she should wear,   what she should cook for her husband, when she should have a child, how she should look after the baby, what food to give the baby, when she should visit her family and friends ... the list can go on. The poor in-laws! She has robbed them of all the pleasures they thought would be theirs when they became the parents of a boy, their ticket to lifelong security, salvation and a pretty gilded slave, to carry out all their biddings!

What is more, the American daughter-in-law doesn't even bring dowry, and worse, makes their precious son work in the kitchen and around the house. Indian mothers, as you know, cannot bear the sight of their sons in the kitchen.

So great is the longing for a son among Indian parents, that they do not hesitate to do away with the daughter. For in these days of high costs it is expensive bringing up a child and who wants daughters when they would rather have a son. So as Indian families become smaller, the girl is sacrificed. Like this father in Hyderabad tried to do. Even as I write, somehow calling him a 'father' seems so bizarre.  A person like him should be called a fiend and put behind bars. But no, in our society behaving in this shocking way against the female of the species is tolerated. The sympathy is with the poor man for being saddled with a daughter!

One terrible story that ended well

This morning I read about a father and an uncle trying to bury a little sick girl alive because they wanted a male child. A tantric had told them if they did that, the father would get a healthy male child. It never fails to amaze me  what Indians can do, even kill their girls, in their quest for a son. This severe attachment to the son manifests itself often in exercising more control over him, over his wife, keeping the couple under scrutiny lest the son is led 'wayward' by the daughter-in-law and hence out of their control. Being a son in India has tremendous advantages,  but I am sure it comes with a lot of baggage. That is one reason why many Indian men never grow up. They remain mama's boys forever! But that is matter for another post.

Talking about killing your own baby girl. Here is another heart rending story of a girl whose father tried to kill her. But she survived, thanks to her maternal grandparents. And today she is working for the cause of women in rural Maharashtra. The terrible story has a happy ending. Thank God that there are some humans among us!